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This is Joy & Claire Episode 128: Riding the Wave
Episode Date: May 26, 2022
Transcription Completed: July 10, 2022
Audio Length: 46:52 minutes
Joy: Hey guys, this is Joy.
Claire: And this is Claire.
Joy: [laughing] Oh no, what happened?
Claire: My voice is gone. We’re going to try to make this work. I’m moving today, and it snowed, and I lost my voice. Probably from having Covid. We don’t know because I don’t have any tests because they are packed.
Joy: It’s a rollercoaster of things happening all at once.
Claire: Every possible thing that could happen before moving – guys, it’s not supposed to snow. We joke about Colorado could have any weather any day, but May 21st is very late for a snowstorm. I only remember this happening two or three other times in my life. My dad’s birthday is May 20th – happy birthday, John Hay.
Joy: Happy birthday.
Claire: So that day sticks out in my memory. I remember two other times in my life where it has snowed on or near his birthday. So in 35 years, this is only the third time that it’s snowed this late, and it’s on our moving day. Thanks, Mother Nature.
Joy: You’re sick and you’re not feeling great. Just one of those times in life.
Claire: And here we are because we don’t have another time to record and we really want to keep this episode.
Joy: We really want to get an episode out because we’ve been so busy in May, as we’ve mentioned multiple times, and we’ve had all our lovely friends in May to catch up. It’s really early on a Saturday morning. But this is what podcasters that have been doing it for as long as we have that make time to do it, guys. #norestdays.
Claire: #norestdays. A brilliant person on Instagram who is more brilliant than us said that we should have called the May episodes “May I Introduce You To.”
Joy: That’s great.
Claire: I was like, “You’re hired.”
Joy: You’re hired.
Claire: Okay. Let’s start with something funny that happened this week, which is that a reel of Evie went viral.
Joy: Let me just start by adding to that. I don’t ever want to go viral again.
Joy: Let me tell you, from the other side guys, it is not fun. You think, oh my gosh, I want my video to go viral. No, you don’t. You absolutely do not.
Claire: You absolutely do not. Okay, so as of this moment – if you guys don’t know what I’m talking about, if you scroll back into our reels. There’s this really random reel. This has nothing to do with our podcast. Where I have this little video of Evie as a baby, and then I have a video of her brutally rejecting me. This happens every morning. So the video, it’s just my life. Here’s the backstory. Brandon leaves for work at 6 in the morning. If you guys don’t know this, he is a nurse. He works in a surgery center. Their first surgery starts at like 7, so he has to be at work at 6:30, so he leaves at 6. By the time the kids are up, he’s long gone. He works four days a week. So there is one day a week that he is home, but it’s a different day every week. It’s always sort of a surprise to the kids which day is dad going to be home. So that’s where this comes from is because every morning when I go to wake Evie up or she’s awake and I go to open her door, she’s like, “Where is my daddy?” And I have to tell her, “He’s at work.” And she’s like, “[screaming] No!” because she’s in a real daddy phase right now. I know these things happen. I don’t take it personally. She’s three. I really don’t take it personally. So I posted a video basically of that. First of all, the first thing that I did was in the intro part, I wrote, “I threw up every day for ten months.” Let me tell you that probably 10,000 people have come for me for the fact that pregnancy is not ten months. There have been knock down dragged out arguments in our comments section about whether or not ten months is accurate. You are just so, so missing the point of this reel.
Joy: You are so missing the point of the reel. I just want to say to anyone out there who is focused on whether it is nine months or ten months, you don’t get to say that unless you’ve had a child. And even if you have and you’re still arguing ten months, I consider pregnancy feeling like it’s ten years. Everyone just needs to shut the hell up.
Claire: By the time you are 40 weeks pregnant, you might as well have been pregnant your whole life. You feel like, “I can never remember a time when I was not this huge.”
Joy: Right. So I’m watching these comments going, I can’t even… it’s like dog years. I’m going to give you seven years times every week that you’re pregnant. Times every week that you’re pregnant, I’m going to add seven years. I was just appalled at the stupidity of that argument.
Claire: The amount of people who are worried about that. I’m like, you just don’t have anything else to worry about? Go argue for women’s reproductive rights in someone’s comments.
Joy: Yeah, let’s put the energy into something else.
Claire: The other thing that was interesting. It’s just been a weird week. We’ve gotten a lot of new followers, which is great. I hope that some of them listen to the podcast. I don’t really know. That’s the thing that is weird about it is that because this reel went viral that really has very little to do with our podcast – We talk about Evie. We talk about parenting. But not a lot.
Claire: Or that’s not our number one topic. So anyway, 12 million people have seen that reel. Versus our other reels, a high-performing reel for us will get like 20,000-25,000 views. It’s been a weird week. I wish there was a toggle on your posts where you can put, I don’t want this to show up on the discover page. Because the algorithms just assume that everyone wants to go viral. I don’t ever want to go viral again.
Joy: No. Something I learned from going viral is that you just pull out the armpit of every corner of the internet that comes to you and starts arguing and commenting the most asinine things. So then I was like, you know what, this is why I want to stay an Indie podcast. I never want to get that big to where… pure stupidity. The comments that I was reading were so stupid. Let me be clear, I was not reading every comment. Because you can’t at that point. You get a taste of what celebrities – and we’re not even close to that level – I got a smidge of a taste of what it’s like to be a celebrity. Now I’m like, now I know why they stay off of the comments. Or Taylor Swift just shuts the comments down. It’s a cesspool of negativity, and it’s a waste of time. Yeah, it’s cute and it made people laugh. But at the same time, for anyone out there who is just wanting more followers – no, you don’t guys. It brings out the worst people. It made me so grateful for our little safe corner of the internet. That’s all I want. That’s all I want. I want to stay there. I want to be comfortable with our great people. And that is why we have that little pocket corner of the internet that is just like, “This is just us, guys. Let’s say that way. I don’t need anything else.”
Claire: I think going viral is an introvert’s nightmare. I’m pretty extroverted, but I’ve over the years become less and less outgoing. I will not strike up a conversation with a stranger. I’m fine being in a large group or whatever. I still think that generally speaking I trend towards being an extrovert. But I’ve become less extroverted, especially since I’ve been a parent. My interaction battery is just always really low. I was empathizing with you about that feeling of, I don’t want more people.
Joy: I don’t need more.
Claire: In my sphere. But if you are new here, if you found us from that reel, I really am excited that you are here. I feel like the majority of the people who followed us because of that reel will ultimately end up unfollowing us once they realize that we are not a parenting –
Joy: Right. Or if you think we’re some brilliant comedians or whatever that’s going to constantly produce content.
Claire: I mean, I do consider myself to be a brilliant comedian.
Joy: I think we’re pretty funny. But you know, it will attract the people that need to be here and that connect with us, and that’s great.
Joy: On that note, as far as episodes and people that connect with us, if you haven’t yet listened to the Kettlebells and Cocktails [00:07:49.12] episode with Nikki Brasier [00:07:50.26] where we were on their podcast, please go listen to it. I loved that episode. I really did. I felt really good recording that, and all the things we talked about were just really honest and true and how we feel about podcasting and kind of the ups and downs that we’ve gone through with podcasting, so you can go listen to that on their feed, Kettlebells and Cocktails. [00:08:08.24]
Claire: Really, we get into the backbone of the palace intrigue of our years of being really tight with the CrossFit HQ folks and what it was like in the early years to be really the only female-hosted podcast in the CrossFit space. Yeah, Nikki [00:08:31.09] is such a good interviewer. It was so fun to be able to talk to her.
Joy: I hope we get to do that again. I hope we do more episodes with her. Well, I know that you’re not feeling great, but do you want to give a quick review of your surfing trip? Which looked amazing.
Claire: Yes. So two weeks ago now – yeah, by the time you guys hear this, it will be 2.5 weeks – I went to Mexico to go surfing with a group called Surf with Amigas. As a lot of you know, I have been obsessed with surfing for no logical reason since I was in middle school. I saw the movie Blue Crush [00:09:02.26] and it really changed my life. Which is a weird thing to say because it’s kind of a bad movie, but here we are. Also the moving Step into Liquid [00:09:07.14], which launched my still present absolute love for Laird Hamilton [00:09:11.01]. He’s just such a babe. So I’ve always been really obsessed with surfing. I’ve always really really wanted to be a surfer. I’ve taken a couple surfing lessons here and there throughout my life, but I never would have described myself as being able to surf. So I finally decided to sign up for this trip. Surf with Amigas is a group that does exactly what it sounds like basically. It’s a group that does small group, most for women but they do have some co-ed trips on their calendar. They have a couple different locations. They have Mexico, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama. I think they have one in Peru. They have one in Morocco. They have one in Indonesia.
Joy: Which by the way, Scott really wants to do one after he saw yours. I haven’t brought this up before, but he has the same dream of learning to surf.
Claire: He does kind of look like Kelly Slater [00:10:01.29].
Joy: He does. He always jokes that people always think he looks like any tall, white, bald man.
Claire: That’s because they all look the same.
Joy: He’s like, “Everyone thinks I look like Woody Harrelson [00:10:12.26].”
Claire: I thought he looked like Kelly Slater [00:10:16.15], to be honest. I feel like that would be a compliment. He’s so funny. Well, he can come with me because Brandon does not want to go.
Joy: So I think that’s next on his bucket list. He was like, “I want to go to that.” I’m like, yeah. Claire can hook you up with that.
Claire: It was so fun. So this one was outside Puerto Verta [00:10:33.19]. If you’re familiar with that area, it was just north of Sailita [00:10:34.13]. Which I didn’t really realize that Sailita [00:10:37.01] is really popular. It’s a really cute little town. We were just north of Sailita [00:10:41.28] in a little town called San Pancho [00:10:42.19]. I didn’t know anyone else who was going. The whole group was seven people plus two main instructors who were with us sort of the whole time. And then a couple more instructors were joining us for our actual surfing. So here was a day in the life. Because of the way the tides were, we had to surf really early in the morning. So we wake up, have first breakfast at 6, we go surfing from 6:30-11:30. We would drive there and get all of our stuff, so we would actually be in the water from probably 7:30/8 to 10:30/11, which is kind of a long time to be surfing if you don’t know what you’re doing. We were at this really cute place with pretty small waves. The whole thing about surfing that I came to find is that my group was a whole range of abilities. I was definitely the lowest ability, and then there were a couple people there who – two in particular – who are from Wilmington, North Carolina [00:11:26.05] and they surf quite a lot. So there were just kind of there. It was a mom and daughter, which was so cute. And they were just kind of there to have a fun mom and daughter trip. But they were very good at surfing. But the cool thing about surfing is that even if it’s small waves, you can still have a lot of fun as an advanced surfer on the same kind of waves that a beginner is still learning on. That made it kind of fun. We were all out there, and the more advanced people were catching way more waves and riding them for longer and actually popping up.
Joy: Got it. I was wondering, does it matter the size of the wave?
Claire: It definitely does. And I think eventually those more advanced people would want a little more variety. But for the purposes of this trip – okay, so paddling out, so tired. No amount of working out would have prepared me for this. Imagine being in Cobra [00:12:14.03] and paddling.
Joy: Oh yeah, your posterior chain [00:12:18.17]. So many supermans. [00:12:21.26]
Claire: Yeah. But then your arms.
Claire: There’s water getting in your face.
Joy: I can only imagine. I’m sore thinking about it.
Claire: By the time you get out there, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re just exhausted. There was one other girl there named Lily. She and I kind of hung out together as the less experienced surfers. We would always be like, imagine getting out here and just feeling ready to catch a wave and not needing to recover just from paddling out.
Joy: Oh my gosh, no wonder surfers are in such good shape. They are all just jacked. Like Laird Hamilton [00:12:56.23]. No wonder you had a crush on Laird Hamilton. [00:12:56.23]
Claire: By the time you get out into the lineup, if you’re brand new, you’re exhausted. So you kind of just sit there and bob around for a little while while you wait for your heart rate to go down.
Joy: You’re like, “That was fun. I’m done.”
Claire: Exactly. So I was like, my goal is just to paddle out every day. That’s all I have to do. If I get out here, great. Then the instructors that we had with us were so great. All of them were so wonderful. They would physically push you into the wave. Because by that time, your arms are just so weak and tiny.
Joy: We’re going to help you out here. Throw you a bone.
Claire: So reading the water is also a skill that is earned over time.
Claire: As the waves come in, not every wave is going to wave. And you’re not going to be in the right spot for every wave. At least at this location where we were. To they are helping you figure out, “Okay, that’s not a good one, that’s not a good one. Here comes a good one. Start paddling.” You awkwardly turn your board around and awkwardly lay down like a walrus and awkwardly try to paddle, even though you feel like you are absolutely not moving at all. And then they would shove the back of your board right as the wave was picking up to help you get a little bit of momentum. Then you are laying there like a walrus and you feel, not unlike a walrus, I physically cannot stand up. But that’s your task is to stand up.
Joy: That’s all you got to do, yeah.
Claire: You’re supposed to do this thing. It’s called a pop up. You’re supposed to pop up.
Joy: Yeah. I’ve seen – what movie… oh, Point Break [00:14:15.28] where they are trying to teach Keanu Reeves [00:14:19.08] how to surf.
Claire: Yeah. And it’s really hard when you’re out there because your board is pretty wobbly. You have to find the center of balance. You’re trying to stand up.
Joy: It’s like probably trying to go from laying down to jumping up on a Bose ball [00:14:33.29].
Claire: It’s like doing a burpee. It’s exactly like a burpee except that you’re trying to land with your feet laterally and on a balance board.
Joy: Oh yeah.
Claire: Very hard. So what I was doing was not popping up. I would go into a lunge. Then I’d bring my back foot over. Then I’d sort of test it out and see if I was going to be good. At that point, 90% of the time I would fall. So I would test it out and it would be bad. I would fail the test. But a couple of times I stood up. At this particular point, the waves were not very long. So by the time I would stand up, typically the wave would pretty much be over. [laughing]
Joy: You’re like, aw man. There’s a timing aspect to this too where everything ha store be perfectly timed. The wave is not going to wait for you.
Claire: Exactly. When the waves were a little bit smaller, you really needed to be able to pop up. Because otherwise the wave is going to end before you have the chance to do anything. That was a big factor for me. I spent a lot of time trying to stand up. And then by the end, the wave is done. I did get a couple rides. It was so fun. I have probably never had so much fun doing something in my whole life. When you are out there floating around, it’s just so relaxing and so peaceful. Peaceful is not even the right word because it’s not tranquil. But it’s one of those activities… how do I even start this?
Joy: Okay, can I offer perhaps a somewhat similar experience? Remember in Costa Rica when we went paddle boarding and we all paddled so far out?
Claire: Yeah, accidentally paddled miles away from the shore.
Joy: Totally, accidentally. First of all, I love that when we showed up, the people who were giving us the paddle boards –
Claire: The board rental guys were like, “Wow.”
Joy: Could not have cared less if we came back. I’m pretty sure if we had never returned, they would not have cared. I think when we returned, they weren’t even there. We were just like, well, hopefully all of our stuff isn’t gone when we get there. Not meaning that they would steal it, but we just didn’t have any place to put our stuff. We were so far out. I just remember that being so funny where we were like, I don’t even think the people who rented us those paddle boards even cared if we returned.
Claire: Or even remembered that we had rented them.
Joy: Exactly. I think when we returned, we were like, “Here is your paddle board back.”
Claire: Because we were like out to sea for a moment there.
Joy: I just remember being really scared because it was getting dark. I was like, I don’t want to be out here in the dark, I’m sorry. But remember when we were all sitting out there and just kind of floating around, it was so peaceful. Was it kind of like that?
Claire: Yeah. Or it was kind of like rock climbing or other similar types of activities where the actual amount of time you spend actually climbing or actually surfing is kind of low compared to the amount of time you spend getting ready or hiking up there or paddling out there or kind of hanging out with your friends while you prepare to do it. But like if you’re rock climbing and you’re a beginner/intermediate, the actual amount of time you spend on the rock, the proportion is not that high compared to what you are doing the rest of the day. But it still holds your attention just enough that you can’t worry about other things.
Joy: Right. Love that. I love those activities.
Claire: And so that’s really the key is that you’re out there. You obviously can’t have your phone because you’re floating in the ocean. You’re paying attention to what’s happening because the second you stop paying attention, an outside wave is going to come and hit you in the head. So you’re keeping your wits about you enough that it’s occupying your thoughts. Just at this low-level hump. It’s very regulating. Part of me feels like this takes us back to early human brain activity where our lives were spent doing these very predictable actives with a low-level hum of awareness of our surroundings. That taps into something very regulating. So that was just how I spent two or three hours every morning. You’re out there. You’re doing something. I love being in the water. There was a sea turtle one day.
Joy: Oh my God.
Claire: Let me tell you the story about the sea turtle.
Joy: I love it.
Claire: I had to paddle back in to put more sunscreen on. Which is kind of the kiss of death. Because as we discussed, paddling, not my strong suit. The idea of paddling back out was like, oh God.
Claire: And that’s the other problem guys. Once you catch a wave, if you fall or even if you get a great ride, you’re like, oh God, now I’ve got to paddle back.
Joy: Now you’ve got to go back. Yeah. It would be like skiing with no ski lift.
Claire: I was just thinking, what is the ski lift of surfing? Can I get a pully situation out here?
Claire: I was like, okay, here we go. I’m going to paddle. So I start paddling. And I would do this thing where I would give myself ten paddles. I would count to ten, and then I would rest. Then I would do ten more, and then I’d rest. I finally get out there. I’m like ten paddles away from the group, and I am just out of steam. I put my head down on my board, and I hear this [sound effect], and this little sea turtle head surfaced like six feet away from me.
Joy: Sorry. I don’t know anything cuter than a little sea turtle head coming out of the water.
Claire: Not at all. I felt like Moana.
Joy: They’re so cute. They’re so cute. Their little heads just pop out of the water. It’s the cutest thing.
Claire: It was the best. It was like the sea turtle was like, “[sound effect] You got this. Ten more paddles.” And I was like, “You’re right, sea turtle.” And then I got out there –
Joy: Little spirit sea turtle coming out.
Claire: My little sea turtle of encouragement. Got out to the lineup and a couple minutes later, saw him again poke his little head up like, “Okay, you made it. I’m going to go now.”
Joy: I’ve helped you to your destiny. Oh my gosh, that’s just the cutest thing ever.
Claire: The sea turtle of encouragement. And there was a wale that we saw breaching way out in the distance. There were little yellow fishes all around. We saw a crocodile. Right where we were surfing, there was a freshwater river that came into the ocean and this little lagoon, and there was a crocodile back there. So that was fun. Stopped bringing the dogs with us after that. [00:20:15.22]
Joy: Are they a danger to you guys?
Claire: No. I mean, if I were to go swimming in that lagoon, maybe. But it wouldn’t come out into the ocean.
Joy: Got it, got it, got it.
Claire: What other fun wildlife did we see? I think the biggest thing for me about this trip though. First of all, very validating. Surfing is so fun. I absolutely love it. I want to do it all the time. I got back home, and I was physically withdrawing from surfing. I was physically uncomfortable with not being able to go surfing. I missed being able to surf more than I had missed my family while I was away.
Joy: Red flag.
Claire: I was like, maybe I’ll just go to Mexico. And there were also a couple of people were like, “Oh, were there cartels?” [00:21:01.10] I feel like the cartel story is really [00:21:06.10] overexaggerated to Americans. I think it’s one of those things where people are like, “Some areas are really dangerous.” Well, some areas in the US are dangerous too. I felt really safe the whole time.
Joy: I’m sending you a link. We’re doing real-time link sharing. I just thought of this when you were talking about it. I actually have something on my bucket list that, life goals, would like to do. Because it’s with Gabby Reese [00:21:31.15] and her husband Laird Hamilton [00:21:33.08]. They do these retreats that are a thousand million dollars.
Claire: Do you understand that I would not be able to function on this retreat?
Joy: Well, I mean, okay. If everybody wants to go see it, it’s xptlife.com. They do these retreats a couple times a year. It’s all about pushing your physical limits, doing cold water immersion.
Claire: It’s $6,500 for three days? [00:22:00.01]
Joy: It’s so expensive. Someone, can you please sponsor us to go? I want to go to the one in Malibu. If I had no financial limits and could do anything, I would one thousand percent do the XPT Life. [00:22:12.13]
Claire: That doesn’t even include flights. And it’s actually only 2.5 days.
Joy: [laughing] Why is it so expensive?
Claire: Lunch, dinner. It doesn’t include breakfast?
Joy: Hey, Laird, Gabby [00:22:27.15], call us. Maybe they will sponsor the podcast, and we will do this.
Claire: Oh my gosh. “Don’t be intimidated. The XPT experience is created to suit all fitness levels. You do not need to be a world-class athlete.” Thank God. I mean, I would pay $6,500 to meet Laird Hamilton [00:22:40.11].
Joy: I would pay $6,500 to just hang out with them for two days and have them train us. That would be worth it to me. And to be in Malibu. They also have one in Costa Rica, but I’m like, take me to Malibu.
Claire: At least you can fly to Malibu for not another –
Claire: Bless these people. Okay. What I want to get to is my takeaway. Which first of all is, yes, surfing is the best and I want to do it all the time. But second of all, I was pretty nervous to go on this because I feel like there is some stigma around moms taking time for themselves. To me, this felt like a radical amount of time. I left for an entire week. I was gone Saturday to Saturday with very little contact. I get international service, but it’s terrible. Joy, you know. Any time we’ve ever traveled, my phone is basically useless. I don’t know why. I don’t travel internationally enough to figure it out. I really can only function when I’m on wifi. I had a lot of self-doubt around doing this for a full week. In my mind, I was like, a long weekend is one thing to sort of abandon your family – this is my self-talk, right. I’m abandoning my family. Brandon was so great. He was the first person to really encourage me to do this. He was like, “I know how much you always wanted to do something like this. I think you should go for it. I’ll figure it out.” And I drew the line of, okay, if I’m going to do this, I don’t want to be in charge of anything at home for that week. I don’t want to be the one coordinating backup care. I don’t want to be the one figuring out your meal plan for that week. I want to be able to truly go.
Joy: Truly unplug and not to be worrying about things at home.
Claire: Right. And not being the one getting texts from my mom saying, “Hey, who is picking up Miles today?”
Joy: Right. Right, right.
Claire: Because in the past when I’ve traveled for work, a lot of the times I have still been the one to coordinate those logistics. I’ll send a spreadsheet and a 10,000-word email before I leave of, okay guys, here is almost an hour-to-hour itinerary of the whole week while I’m gone of where the kids are going to be and who is doing pick up and drop off. Because again as I mentioned with Brandon leaving for work early, his work schedule is not flexible. So someone else has to manage the pickups and the drop offs. He was totally fine with that. He was like, “I got this.” And he did. The only thing that happened – and I have to tell this story. Miles’ kindergarten concert was on the Monday that I was gone. I was like, okay Brandon. Two things. He has to wear his elementary school t-shirt. And send me videos. So I get these videos, and I’m like, “Where is Miles in the video? He’s not in the video.” He’s like, “He’s in the middle in the back.” That’s not Miles.
Claire: Brandon took videos of the whole entire concert of the wrong kid thinking it was Miles.
Joy: To be fair, guys, Claire sent me this video and the kid does look a lot like Miles. If it was my kid, I think I would know which one was my kid.
Claire: That’s the thing. If you have heard a description of Miles, yeah. Tall-ish. He’s tall for being six. He’s got light brown, blonde hair.
Claire: Short, yeah. From a distance if you did not know this kid, you could be like, “That might be him.”
Claire: If you have lived with him every day of his life – like the moment I saw the video, I was like, “That’s not Miles.” Just the way that he’s moving and his face, the way it moves when he was speaking. Miles was in the very front row. Sitting on the floor, front row. In a bright blue polo shirt, not in his school shirt. So not only did Brandon take a video of the wrong kid, but he should have known Miles didn’t even have that shirt on. So part of me is like, did Brandon take a video of this kid and send it to me thinking I wouldn’t notice and hoping that I wouldn’t catch the fact that he forgot the shirt. So Brandon took videos of the wrong kid during the kindergarten concert.
Joy: It’s so good.
Claire: I don’t even know what kid it is.
Joy: Did Brandon finally fess up?
Claire: His response was, “Well, he looks like Miles.” I was like, okay.
Joy: [laughing] Samesies.
Claire: And I was Facetiming with him, and I was like, “You had one job.” He was like, “Claire, you’re at a beach right now.” I was like, “Touché. Okay, bye.” [laughing] So I kind of let it go.
Joy: Give it some grace. Give it some grace.
Claire: He go there. It’s fine. But I’m probably never going to let him live that down. “Remember that time you took videos of the wrong kid?”
Joy: It’s so funny. It’s so funny. It’s so great.
Claire: So I felt really…
Joy: You felt totally unplugged.
Claire: Unplugged. Like, really disconnected. The way that this retreat was set up was I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t even know the name of our hotel. I just got myself on a flight to Puerto Verta [00:26:51.21], which was direct from Denver. And I just showed up. I didn’t have to plan anything, I didn’t have to worry about where I was going to get my meals. I didn’t have to go arrange for transportation.
Joy: It’s like when we did our trips. It’s the best. You don’t have to think about anything.
Claire: Yeah. And I know you talked about this a couple weeks ago about having this fear of, oh, I don’t want to be this tourist. But every time I’ve done a group travel thing, I’ve actually felt less like a tourist because you’re with someone typically who lives there.
Joy: Right. Right. That’s why I liked our trips because we have people that are showing us the behind-the-scenes stuff. Like the ice cream house where the lady sells ice cream from her house.
Joy: That’s the best.
Claire: And yeah, you’re traveling in a group of 10 white people, so it’s pretty obvious. I’m going to stick out anywhere I go unless I go to the northern UK. So I have come to really love adult group travel because you just show up. That to me is a true vacation where you really don’t have to plan anything. You’re not spending weeks trying to book Airbnb’s. Some people love that process. I am not in a phase in my life where I want to add any additional logistics planning into my life.
Joy: Totally agree.
Claire: But I think the coolest thing about this trip was that all of the women there were so supportive. As soon as they found out that I had young kids, I did not even get a single whiff of someone being like, “Oh, who is watching your kids?” I feel like that is such a common thing that people say. I don’t think that they necessarily mean it in a bad way, but it can feel so judgy. Someone being like, “Oh, you’re here? Who is watching your kids?” Well, my partner. It just insinuates that –
Joy: Who is watching your kids?
Claire: It insinuates that you just left your kids in a parking lot and have gone to the beach. “Oh no, the children! Who is watching them?” That question to me is so patriarchal. And I didn’t even get a whiff of that. In fact, when I got picked up by the shuttle, I was in the shuttle with the mom and daughter group that was there, and they were so adorable. And the mom, I said, “Oh yeah, I’m from the Denver area, and I have a 3- and a 6-year-old.” The first words out of her mouth were, “Good for you. I’m proud of you.” That just set the tone for the whole week.
Joy: Oh my gosh.
Claire: Good for me.
Joy: That would be my first reaction. Good for you for taking some time for yourself. Bravo.
Claire: And that was everyone’s reaction. They were like, “Go take a nap.” Everyone was so amazingly supportive and so looking out for me for really maximizing the time.
Joy: Take advantage of every moment, yeah.
Claire: So it was so great. I haven’t described the whole second half of the day. But suffice it to say, they made me do yoga. And I loved it because let me tell you what the yoga was. It was this woman named Riselle [00:29:23.27]. The way that she talked was like this, “On your next inhalation, roll to the other side. And on your next exhalation, you will bring your knees to your chest or put your arms out to the letter ‘T.’” I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that everyone fell asleep in yoga every day.
Joy: Oh, that’s amazing. [laughing]
Claire: She would have us do like on down dog, and we were like, “We don’t want any more down dog.” So almost every time, we were just on our backs every time. Literally the poses were like, lay there with your arms out to the side and move your arms into cactus arms. Inhale, cactus arms. But you’re laying down. Like, that’s the new pose. And then you hold that for like three minutes.
Joy: Oh yeah. It was like pure restorative yoga, which is the best.
Claire: It was basically a moving nap.
Joy: Oh yeah.
Claire: It was truly amazing. Ten out of ten on that yoga.
Joy: It reminds me of – okay, I know I keep talking about Costa Rica. But it reminds me of when Lous [00:30:17.06] taught our yoga class, and she was so cute. Whenever she would say something, she’s be like, “Uh huh” every move? “Like this, uh huh.”
Claire: So cute.
Joy: So cute. To this day, I think she may be the cutest person I’ve ever met in real life.
Claire: Agree. So highly recommend Surf with Amigas. [00:30:33.18]
Joy: Highly recommend.
Claire: And I want to go back. I would do this exact trip again. It’s so easy to get to Puerto Verta [00:30:40.03] and this area we were in was only an hour north of Puerto Verta [00:30:41.17]. It was very easy to access.
Joy: Oh awesome. And what was the name again?
Claire: Of what?
Joy: The trip.
Claire: Surf with Amigas. If anyone who went on the trip is listening, you guys are the best. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for letting me be a beginner. That’s a whole other angle that we’ll talk about a different time of showing up knowing you’re going to be the worst at something. No one made fun of my wet suit. I wore it every day. I ended up not wearing the hat. I did the first day, but because of my inability to paddle, it was really obstructing my vision. So I just wore a lot of sunscreen on my forehead.
Joy: Yeah, I can imagine that would be hard.
Claire: I was actually so glad I had that wetsuit. Because otherwise I would have had to reapply sunscreen so much. I only got sunburned once.
Joy: Good for you. That’s not an easy thing to avoid.
Claire: No. It’s because of my wetsuit.
Joy: Perfect. Well, we’re very excited for you, and I’m so proud of you. I know that was a lot of facing fears and doing big things and being away from your family. I loved all the feedback that everyone gave on Instagram where they’re like, “I’m so excited for you. This is so inspiring.”
Claire: Oh my gosh, I loved that. The amount of encouragement that I got on Instagram from the people who follow us. Everyone’s like, “This makes me so happy for you.” “I love that you did this.” Everyone who commented or sent us DM’s who were excited for me, your excitement for me feels so special. It feels so supportive in that you guys really get me. So thanks to everyone who sent notes of excitement. Because when you do something that you’ve been wanting to do for a long time and other people see how cool that is, it feels very validating.
Joy: It’s super validating. So cool. Well let’s take a quick break and talk about our sponsors for this week, Ned, our favorite sponsors and the favorite CBD products out there. May is mental health month, and I want to take a moment to share the ways that I use CBD and I use Ned’s Destress Blend. Lately I’ve been feeling really down. I don’t know what’s going on with my mood. I do take medication for mood stabilization, but I’ve been really feeling, for whatever reason, and I’m not even going to try to overanalyze it, but I’m just feeling really crappy and I don’t know why. Using some of the Destress Blend throughout the day is giving me this calm. Because what I tend to do is if I’m feeling down, I get made about feeling down. So I’ve been using more of the Ned’s Destress Blend throughout the day, which is really evening out my mood, making me feel calm. So I just wanted to share that because I feel like there’s so many times when we go through hard times and feel difficult emotions. Sometimes it just kind of comes out of nowhere. I’ve been using that and it’s just a part of my self-care that I really, really appreciate. I’m so glad. Not only is Ned just a great sponsor, but they have great products and we’re so grateful they are our sponsor. We truly feel passionate about their products. So please support our podcast by supporting the great sponsor, Ned. Invest in yourself and fortify your stress response this month. Get 15% off Ned’s Destress Blend with code JOY. Go to helloned.com/JOY or enter code JOY at checkout. That’s helloned.com/JOY to get 15% off. Thank you, Ned, for sponsoring the show and offering our listeners a natural remedy for some of life’s most common health issues.
Claire: And I think one thing that we have been talking a lot about this month is having a whole toolbox of things to use to support your mental health. You’re never going to hear from us that any one thing is going to be the silver bullet. Because mental health is so complex. For us, we both use CBD as a way to support a lot of the other things that we do. But it does really help maintain a more stable baseline. That is really the thing that I have found. In the same way that I have described antidepressants or antianxiety as they don’t solve your problem, but they pull you out of the river. Similarly, I feel like Ned, to a slightly lesser degree, just helps take off the edge. The CBD products when I use them over the course of a couple hours start to feel like, okay, whatever this stress was that I was feeling was absolutely insurmountable is suddenly feeling less insurmountable. It really helps take that edge off and get you over the hump. So I definitely recommend checking it out, adding it to your toolbox. We just love Ned. You guys know we love how high quality their products are. Thank you, guys, for supporting the brands that support our podcast.
Joy: Alright, do we want to end with some really quick questions?
Claire: Yes, please.
Joy: Okay. What really burns your biscuits, Claire?
Claire: So many things. People who leave stupid comments on Instagram reels.
Joy: [laughing] Did any of that get under your skin?
Claire: I stopped reading them.
Joy: Okay, good. Because I don’t see you as someone who would let that stuff get to you, but after so many.
Claire: I haven’t read them in days because there’s so many. Every once in a while, I sort of out of the corner of my eye seen a really stupid one, and then I just delete it. I don’t know these people. I don’t owe them anything. This is just some idiot troll. Broader speaking, what burns my biscuits? I get really, really, really annoyed when people insist that they are going to do something and then never do it. I’m like, listen. Just tell me. If you can’t do something, just say you can’t do it. It’s fine. And this is at work or maybe a friend. And you’re like, if you can’t do it, I’m not going to get mad at you. Just tell me that you don’t have time. Don’t make me continue waiting for you to do this thing for it to never get done.
Joy: A work thing or just anything?
Claire: A work thing. Or maybe a friend is going to bring something over or let you borrow something. I don’t know. I can’t think of an example.
Joy: Like a lack of follow through?
Claire: Lack of follow through. And then when you say, “Hey, are you still going to do X, Y, Z? Because no big deal, but if not I’m either going to go ask someone else to do it or do it myself.”
Joy: Right, right.
Claire: “No, no, no. I’m going to do it.” And you’re like, okay… and so now it feels like if you go out and do it yourself or find someone else to do it, it’s going to be a thing. But you also know in the back of your mind, they’re not actually going to do it. That makes me crazy. When people just are no tup front. Like, “Hey, I can’t get this done. I’m so sorry. I thought I was going to be able to, but something came up. Go ahead and find someone else to do it.”
Joy: I wonder if they have a hard time saying no.
Claire: I’m sure that’s what it is. But it just makes me crazy. This is not specific to any one person.
Joy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re not being passive aggressive. [laughing] I am the same. I would say that very similarly, one of my good friends who doesn’t listen to the podcast – but if she does, she knows this because I’ve told her – is she overcommits. And then she always cancels plans. I’m like, just don’t overcommit. Just don’t do it if you know you can’t do it. It just goes back to she has a hard time saying “no.” So I call her out on that all the time, and it drives me crazy. Don’t overcommit. So when she’ll come to town, she’ll be like, “Let’s do this, this, and this.” I’m like, alright. Tell me one thing that you might be able to do because I know at this point that you’re going to cancel all of it. Just tell me one thing that you possibly could do, and I have zero expectations that when she does come to town that I’ll even see her. If I see you, great. But don’t overcommit. It drives me crazy. Drives me nuts.
Claire: One thing I was talking about with someone recently around overcommitting and saying “no” is that I think or a lot of us we think if we say “no” to things, it will cast us in a light as someone – like ultimately it will lead to people not wanting to ask us to do things because they will think, “Oh, they’re just going to say ‘no.’” It paints us as someone who is not willing to help or who only will do things that are to the letter to their job description at work. When in reality, I found the opposite to be true. Which I have a reputation of being someone who will only say “yes” if I truly can take it on. That has created a reputation where people ask me way more and for much larger commitments because they know they can trust me to be honest with them about whether or not I can fully execute it.
Joy: Right. Right.
Claire: So rather than becoming someone having a reputation for saying “no” and then people not wanting to ask me, people come to me and say, “I’m only asking you this because I know that if you can’t do it, you will actually say ‘no.’” So hot tip.
Joy: And saying “no” isn’t like you’re just going to be a “no” person. It’s just I don’t have the time for this right now.
Claire: But I think that’s what people think. The second I start saying “no,” people are going to see me as disagreeable to not wanting to help. I have found the opposite in a really productive way. So if anyone out there is worried about it, give it a shot.
Joy: Don’t be worried about it. What are your top favorite beverages?
Claire: Coffee. Iced coffee. Hot coffee.
Joy: Are you still an iced coffee person? Do you drink iced coffee every single day or hot coffee?
Claire: No, I drink hot coffee because that’s what Brandon makes. And I like cold brew, but I don’t like iced drip coffee. It just waters it down. I love [00:39:27.04] aura bora still. I had a new type of hibiscus aura bora last night [00:39:26.11].
Joy: Oh aura bora [00:39:29.16], so good.
Claire: I love Hop Tea. [00:39:29.16] Those are the main ones. And then my favorite alcoholic beverage. I’ve really moved away from alcohol this year. Just never feels good in my body. But I well-timed margarita is really hard to beat.
Joy: I will go with GT Synergy kombucha will forever be my favorite kombucha. It’s so good, so fizzy, so punchy. I love a punchy kombucha.
Claire: Yeah, I don’t like GT. It’s too vinegary for me. But that’s what you like about it.
Joy: That’s what I like about it. I don’t like a sweet kombucha. I also have a friend that calls it “kambucha.” I refuse to correct her. “I like ‘kambucha.’” I do love the Gingerade and the Trilogy, but I will go for any flavor. Trader Joe’s has a flavor that they exclusively carry. It’s Strawberry Lemonade. It’s so good. I think I need to go get some for myself today. And then I have been really – so since the end of January, I have cut out alcohol pretty much altogether. So I got on this train of finding really good hop waters, hop teas, or non-alcoholic beers. I’m not on this really strict train of zero alcohol, but I’m just trying to cut it out because I too don’t feel good.
Claire: We’ve talked about this. There’s a line between sobriety and what that entails and the journey that that invokes. Versus choosing to rarely drink alcohol.
Joy: Right. There’s different levels to that, so I don’t want to be categorizing myself on the sober journey because I think there’s so much more to that. We talked about that on another episode. But I have just made the choice to take alcohol from my repertoire. It doesn’t make me feel good. So I have been on this journey. It’s kind of fun. It’s a fun game for me because I really do enjoy the taste of beer. I’ve found a couple brands that I super love. One is Untitled Art. They do sell it at some of the liquor stores. I find it really hilarious that they sell non-alcoholic beers – you have to go to a liquor store most of the time. I think Whole Foods started selling some brands. Untitled Art is one of the brands that I love. The Westcoast IPA Untitled Art non-alcoholic beer is really good. And then there’s a brand called Athletic Brewery. Really, really good as well. And Costco’s liquor store sells the Athletic Brewery beers, and I really, really like those. So I’ve been enjoying those beverages in the afternoon. I do like coffee too. I’ll do a fizzy water, a Zevia [00:42:10.03], every once in a while. But those are my go-tos right now. Alright, last one.
Claire: I just want you guys to know that every time we try to record, we’re like, “Let’s keep it to 45 minutes,” and it literally never –
Joy: Never happens.
Claire: Like, the movers are going to be here in a half hour.
Joy: I know. Okay, let’s finish with that.
Claire: Let’s do one more. I want to do one more. This is the problem is that when it comes to boundaries, my worst boundary to keep is keeping this podcast to 45 minutes.
Joy: I know.
Claire: I just want to keep talking.
Joy: Always. Okay. What is a favorite hobby that you would like to do more of?
Claire: Well surfing is the obvious answer for me today. And I really am looking forward to getting back to baking. I feel like I haven’t been baking as much.
Joy: Yeah, you haven’t been baking.
Claire: This winter was a really busy season with me with my new job and going into work more. I want to get back to doing more baking again.
Joy: I love that. I love that story. Gosh. A hobby that I would like to do more of? I don’t know. Podcasting. Podcasting. I love podcasting. I don’t want to say anything exercise related because that sounds boring, but I do still have it in my heart to start up CrossFit again or do some type of more strength training classes to go to a class and be in that community. We talked a little bit about that on the Kettle Bells and Cocktails [00:43:35.13] podcast episode of why that’s something that I’m feeling more drawn to.
Claire: I agree. We talked about this on Kettlebells and Cocktails [00:43:42.06]. I wish there was a gym near me that I really liked. I miss going to Roots. Anyone listening from Roots, I miss you guys. I wish my life took me to Boulder more now.
Joy: I want to know this too. I’m going to put this on – let me see, hold on. Anyone listening to the podcast goes to CrossFit Lakewood, can you give me shout out and let me know if you like that gym? Because it is less than a mile from my house, and that feels like –
Joy: And I know I feel a little bit of a betrayal to the CrossFit gym I was going to –
Claire: Rocky Mountain Athletics.
Joy: But I’m looking for the easiest, closest, least amount of driving effort. I am at a point where if it is less than a mile, I’m in. The gym has got to be good. So if anyone listening goes to CrossFit Lakewood, will you please message me? Thank you, thank you. Okay, you’ve got to go move. You’ve got things to do.
Claire: My recording set up is the last thing – do you see around my room?
Joy: Yeah, I was going to say it’s pretty empty.
Claire: The shelves are gone. My whole house is in boxes. Except I was like, “Leave the microphone.”
Claire: Guys, podcasting is serious business.
Joy: It really is.
Claire: It’s a priority.
Joy: We’re not kidding when we say we make it happen. Okay, go move.
Claire: Wish me luck.
Joy: I hope you feel better. I hope you don’t have Covid. I hope it stops snowing this freaking week.
Claire: All of the above.
Joy: Is something in retrograde?
Claire: I really did not get a honeymoon phase after this vacation. There was no halo.
Claire: Right into the world. Thank you, guys, for listening. Don’t forget to check out our sponsor, Ned. That’s helloned.com/JOY or use discount code JOY for 15% off your order. Try out their Destress Blend. Take the edge off of the stressors in your life and add that as a tool to your mental health toolkit. I’m just going to say it one time because I love it. Don’t forget to utilize your cannabinoids. That was with my gravelly voice. Cannabinoids.
Joy: Yes. Your sexy phlegm.
Claire: Oh yeah, sexy phlegm. Alright guys, we’ll talk to you next week. You can find us on Instagram @joyandclaire_. Check out our new website joyandclaire.com.
Joy: It’s so cute.
Claire: It’s so cute, I love it. And for all your branding needs – this is not an ad. She has not asked us to do this. But we really loved working with Rachel from Reach Creative [00:45:56.13]. She really understood the assignment. She went back, listened to all our old episodes – not all, but a lot of old episodes. She was so, so, so great to work with. She really went so many extra miles to understand who we were and what we wanted, and it just turned out so great.
Joy: Reach Creative. [00:46:15.11] You said it really fast, so I wanted to make sure.
Joy and Claire: Rachel from Reach Creative.
Claire: Highly recommend. Thank you, guys. Talk to you soon. Bye.