Halloween costumes, Pablo the pig pumpkin contest, producst we are currently loving, quarantine and relationships, Joy has exciting life news, and job hunting advice.
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This is Joy & Claire: 97: Fall Product Recs and Halloween Prep
Episode Date: October 21, 2021
Transcription Completed: November 3, 2021
Audio Length: 54:21 minutes
Joy: Hey guys. This is Joy.
Claire: And this is Claire.
Joy: And this is Joy and Claire. It’s spooky Halloween. I feel like every podcast is saying that right now.
Claire: You’ve literally been saying that for like a month.
Joy: I know.
Claire: Not only is every podcast saying it, but you’ve been saying it since like Labor Day.
Joy: I got my Halloween costume.
Claire: What are you going to be?
Joy: I’m going to be a werewolf.
Claire: Spooky, scary.
Joy: [laughing] You know what, I was thinking of that stupid song that I’m not even going to sing because it will get stuck in our head. But that one’s way better. But I was thinking of a different Halloween werewolf song that I’m sure everybody has heard, and it’s so annoying.
Claire: Not Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.
Joy: I totally forgot about Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. If nobody knows what that is, please Google it.
Claire: It’s from 30 Rock. It’s really good.
Joy: Now I can’t stop laughing. [laughing] Okay. We just started off, and I can’t get my crap together. Now I’m just thinking of Tracy Morgan singing Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. So yeah, I’m going with a onesie. I just want to make it easy. Onesies are great. But my neighborhood is so cute. They’re having a pumpkin carving contest for Pablo the Pig. So we have a neighborhood pig.
Claire: Pablo. He’s like a neighborhood celebrity.
Joy: He really is. It’s really cute. So our neighbors are two doors down, and they developed the front yard almost into a petting zoo. Maybe I’ve talked about this before. But it’s for the whole neighborhood, can just walk by and say hi to Pablo. So they made the fence to where he can put his head out and the neighbors can pet the pig. You can feed him if you want to. He likes vegetables. I give him carrots and stuff. And they have a little camera, just in case someone gets mean and wants to try to steal Pablo. They have a security camera so they can see who is coming to visit him. But it was so sweet. We got an invitation for Pablo’s pumpkin carving party. They have all these pumpkins out next to his pen, and they want you to take a pumpkin, carve it, and then bring it back and they’re going to judge it. And then on Halloween, Pablo’s going to pick his favorite.
Claire: By eating it?
Joy: Isn’t that the best?
Claire: I want to pick favorites forever. Which one do I decide to eat first?
Joy: Isn’t that the greatest thing ever?
Claire: I love that. He’s going to choose his favorite by which one he eats first.
Joy: Exactly. So I’m not a great pumpkin carver, but I was thinking about just getting one of those kits.
Claire: But I feel like there’s some strategy here to get the pig to pick yours first.
Joy: That’s true. You just cut a hole in it and make it to where he can stick his whole snout in there.
Claire: Yeah. Or do you leave some of the guts in there? You know the ones where it looks like the pumpkin is barfing or like a zombie. Or what if you just build it with fondue or something.
Claire: Just show up with a bowl full of cheese fondue and be like –
Joy: They actually – the guys would love that. They would love that. But anyway, we don’t want to get Pablo sick. That is just the cutest thing ever. I was like, if I’m going to go to this pumpkin carving thing, I can’t just show up without a costume. That’s so dumb. So I was looking online for a onesie, and the werewolf called to me. So that’s what we’re going with this year.
Claire: I spent like 20 minutes – more than 20 minutes, let’s be honest – online this morning. I’m pretty sure I found the last kid sized Jedi robe on the internet. I’m kicking myself because we went to the Party City last week, and they had a Jedi robe. I was like, “Miles, you don’t want the Jedi robe. You need the whole costume.” And then we went home and I realized his white karate top, his Gi, if we turn it inside out it’s a Jedi top.
Claire: Just get him a little brown belt and some brown pants. Then I was mad that I didn’t buy the Jedi robe because we need an outfit, but we still need the Jedi robe. I went back, and then of course it was already gone because they only had one left and they’re sold out. Everywhere in town is sold out, so I had to buy it online. It took me forever. Amazon, they don’t even have one that is going to be delivered by Halloween. I had to order it from Party City online, and I had to pay for shipping like a chum. I could not find one. I looked on all of the – I looked on Craig’s list. I looked on all the Marketplace groups. I looked on Poshmark. I looked everywhere for a stupid kid’s – I even looked for brown bathrobes, and they were all way too bathrobe-y. Like, you could totally tell that it was a bathrobe.
Joy: He’s going to be that kid that’s like, “You’re wearing a bathrobe.”
Claire: And he’s not the type of kid who uses a bathrobe. Why would I spend $30 on a kid’s brown bathrobe he’s not going to keep wearing, instead of spending $15 on this stupid costume. So then I was like, well maybe Evie, we can put her in a bear costume or a monkey costume and just throw an infinity scarf on her and then she’d be an Ewok. But then turns out that monkey costumes and bear costumes are also really expensive, so she’s just going to be Anna from Frozen because she already has an Anna dress. It’s really cute.
Joy: That’s cute.
Claire: Yeah, so Miles is really into Star Wars right now, which I feel like – okay, right, so I’m 33, almost 34. I was born at the end of 1987. I definitely missed the first wave of the Star Wars crave. The early Star Wars movies came out in like 1980. But I do have two older brothers who were born in 1977 and 1980, so I caught it a little bit because they were into it. But I never really developed a strong feeling for it. And then when the Jar Jar Binks era movies came out, I was by that point a little bit too old to really get into it. So I pretty much just missed Star Wars. I definitely have seen the movies, but I just don’t really have a strong attachment to it. I don’t have an opinion about Star Wars. Yeah, Star Wars exists. So now that Miles is super getting into it, what happened was he has his P.E. teacher is like super into Star Wars. All of his P.E. games are Darth Vader themed.
Joy: Yeah, I think you were talking about this. Which is adorable and so cute.
Claire: So now he’s super into Star Wars We’re going through all of them. We’re watching them in the order that they were released, not in the chronological order of the story. Apparently, this is contentious about how you choose to watch them.
Joy: There’s a lot of contentious things about Star Wars. It’s a big deal.
Claire: Any time you have something like this where people, it’s part of their identity, it’s like there’s a right or wrong way. So we decided to watch them in the order that they were released. So we started with the Luke Skywalker movies, and then we went back to the Anakin movies, and now we’re up to the Kylo Ren movies. It’s a whole thing. So he’s going to be a Jedi for Halloween.
Joy: It’s one of those things that I wish I could really get into because I super respect that dedication. It’s really a big deal. Star Wars movies, it spans our lifetimes, you know. I always get really weirdly jealous when I see Comic-Con, or people just get so into the characters. Same thing with like Lord of the Rings. Did you get into any of those movies?
Claire: I mean, I’m really into Harry Potter.
Joy: That’s true. That’s true.
Claire: I would call myself one of the top three Harry Potter fans that I know.
Joy: That’s true. You’ve listened to the books a bazillion times.
Claire: And I definitely have dressed up as Harry Potter. When the books were still coming out, I would go to the midnight book release and stay up all night and read them. They were a huge part of my younger adult life. And now with J.K. Rowling being transphobic, it’s kind of caused this whole internal question of – I know a lot of people that have had to deal with this over the last few years of having these very beloved books and this whole world really that was really a big part of my life and has been a big comfort to me in times of my life. When I found out I was pregnant with Miles and I had so much anxiety about it, I would listen to the Harry Potter books to fall asleep. It’s so soothing to my ears. So I do grapple with that. I don’t have an answer to it, and I’m not going to go too far into it, but it’s something that I think about and worry about and that has definitely made me feel a little distant from that world that I once really, really found myself identifying as a huge Harry Potter nerd.
Joy: Yeah, it’s hard to tease that out because the creator, you definitely don’t agree with what she’s said and what’s she’s done, but at the time you obviously connecting to this material.
Claire: How did that change the experience I did have?
Joy: Right. You’re connected to this material that means a lot to you. It’s a fantasy world, but the creator then comes out and says some really horrible things. When you were talking about it, that’s how I feel about Michael Jackson. And I think a lot of the world can relate to that. We grew up on this icon’s music. And there’s a lot of people since then that have come out where you’re connected so much and you’ve revered their work and you’ve held them as this idol, and then when all this stuff comes out you feel very conflicted at this very odd personal level. I have no personal connection to this person, but this music meant so much to me and now I can’t look at it the same. You try to separate it into two camps somehow. I don’t know the answer. Just talking through when I heard about the whole thing with Michael Jackson, watched Leaving Neverland – which if you’ve not watched it on HBO, it is really difficult to get through. Do not recommend it if you have kids or young kids. Watch it later in life. It’s really hard to get through. I think after that, I was just like I can appreciate the time, almost the nostalgia of it. Because back then I didn’t know what I know now. Which I think Adam Grant recently said – who talked about this? Who was it? It was an interview I listened to. I listen to so many interviews. It was on Dax Shepard… B.J. Novak. He’s my new favorite person by the way. He has such an interesting take on life. He’s very, very smart. But he was saying that nostalgia was looking back on memories without anxiety. What an interesting way to think about nostalgia. When you look back, you look back on the memories. At the time, there were certainly anxious things that were going on in your life. But when we look back on the good ole days, he’s like, I think we sometimes look back on the memories without the anxiety that came with it.
Claire: You’ve talked about that with college where you look back on these college and have these amazing memories and your brain just deletes the part where you were living on –
Joy: Living on zero dollars. And so tired.
Claire: And you have to study and work and do all this, right.
Joy: Falling asleep at my desk. Crying because I was working three jobs and everyone else was partying at 9 at night, and I was trying to sleep so I could get up and go to my next job. Yeah, I look back without all of that anxiety. I just really wanted to go into Oasis [11:28.19]. Don’t look back in anger, but I won’t. So that’s what I was thinking about. The memories without the bad stuff. But as an adult, we can’t ignore the bad stuff. Okay, that was a really big tangent. But I really want to say that I admire people who can get into the Harry Potter or the Star Wars or the Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones. I super appreciate how – same thing with sports. I love how people get into sports. I don’t have that bone in my body. I’m not such a fan of a band that I will see them five nights in a row. I won’t even really make a huge effort unless it’s like Madonna, Beyonce. Really big names, I’ll be like, oh for sure I’m going to see that person. Anyway. I just really admire, and I wish I had that bone in my body to be so obsessed with a band that I’d see them and stand in line five hours to get a ticket and get so excited about it.
Claire: I know. I think that nerd culture is so looked down on when you’re younger. When you’re in high school or even in college, you think, “Look at these nerds.” And now as an adult, you’re like, “Man, I wish I had something I was into.” I look at people who get so into dressing up as characters or drag. This is an art form. When you are dressing up in a costume that is so – like for Comic-Con or something, that is so detailed and you have put too much passion into it, I agree with you.
Joy: I just admire it.
Claire: There was a time in my life where I was like, “That’s so dorky,” and now I’m like, “That looks like so much fun.”
Joy: I admire it so much. I was at Sephora this weekend [giggle] getting some things. I walked in and the gal at the door who was greeting had the most beautiful eye makeup. I just miss those days where I would do that. I would spend hours just doing my eye makeup. I was just like, “You look really pretty, and that must have taken you a long time to do.”
Claire: I was on mute. But when Joy said that and did that little [giggle] “I was at Sephora,” I laughed very hard. [laughing] This has been Joy’s dream through the whole pandemic has been to go to Sephora to her heart’s content.
Joy: Well you guys, now you can test the products. I’ve never been happier. I’ve never been happier.
Claire: That’s all you wanted.
Joy: They have a handful of colors.
Claire: Eyeshadows and lipsticks.
Joy: Eyeshadows and products. So I need to do a new product list because there’s definitely some things I want to try.
Claire: Before we move on from being nerds, I want to mention briefly that Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, which is the podcast by Casper ter Kuile who is the author of The Power of Ritual. We had him on this time last year. If you haven’t listened to that episode, it’s truly one of the best episodes we’ve ever done. It’s such an interesting and amazing book. I highly, highly recommend it. But he was doing the podcast Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. They have a lot of statements on their website about grappling with how can you still love Harry Potter without endorsing J.K. Rowling being transphobic. If you are someone who has also been having those questions in your mind, I would highly recommend checking that out. So tell us about some products that are new, that you’re excited about.
Joy: Well, I posted about them, but if you missed them on stories – because turns out Instagram doesn’t always share what we post. Is that a thing? I’m totally kidding. That just happens a lot. I posted a couple products and I’ll share them really quick. One of them is Dr. Dennis Gross skincare. It’s called the mini alpha beta extra strength daily peel. It sounds really intense, but it’s not. I’ll link all of these in the show notes. I like to go to Sephora, and I like to talk to the employees and say, “What are your favorite products right now?” That is literally how I get most of my recommendations is I just go to the gals. They live and breathe these products. They’re around them all the time. When I was in Arizona, I went to the skincare section and the gal that was just hanging out. Of course right now it’s not super busy all the time, so she looked kind of bored. I was like, “What’s your favorite product right now?” She goes, “Oh, let me show you.” I love these so much. They’re inexpensive. It’s a great product to try. The box I think has five treatments. It’s a set of two wipes that you do at a time. So five treatments of two wipes. Just literally these wipes that you wipe all over your clean skin. It’s supposed to strip any dead surface skin off of your face. It says it’s an extra strength daily peel, but nothing peels off your skin. It just feels super soft after you do this. So you just rub it in. I did a reel on this product as well, so if you go to our Instagram and you just scroll through our reels, you’ll see me using this great little product. Again, it’s Dr. Dennis Gross skincare mini alpha beta extra strength daily peel. I get the extra strength and I’ve done it a couple nights in a row and I’ve had no irritation, and I have pretty sensitive skin. Try it out. There’s also a regular formula, not an extra strength. But I think the only one that comes in the pack of five is the extra strength. Don’t quote me on that. But they sell them in larger packets. Quite frankly, I’m not really ready to make a commitment and spend that much money on a pack of 80, so I just buy five at a time here and there. Then the other product that I love is from The Ordinary. It’s an exfoliating peeling solution. I’ll post this as well. It’s only $7. And by the way, the other one that’s a pack of five, the Dr. Dennis, is $17. So these are pretty inexpensive. And then The Ordinary exfoliating peeling solution looks like blood in a bottle. It looks really read. But I promise it’s not as scary when you put it on your face. Just don’t scare your neighbors for Halloween. Or do. Put it all over your face and use it as blood for Halloween and then you’re actually just exfoliating at the same time. So that’s again The Ordinary exfoliating peeling solution. It’s a tiny bottle of red fluid and a dropper. You just put it all over your face for ten minutes. Wash it off with lukewarm water, and your face feels really smooth. So those are my top two right now that I would recommend.
Claire: Okay, I have actually started using some real-life skincare products. I’m trying to find the brand that my face oil is. I bought it when I got a facial. They upsold me for my facial. I feel like a lot of times they upsell you during your facial and then you never actually end up using the product that you buy.
Claire: The first thing that I’ve been using is a charcoal exfoliating facial cleanser. I got it at Whole Foods. But then I’ve been using this toner from Aesop. It’s this parsley seed toner. It’s really nice. I have pretty dry skin, and I feel like most toners can suck the moisture out of your skin. This is actually a very calming, nice toner. And then I have this facial oil that I’m absolutely loving. I’m going to have to post about it on Instagram because I cannot remember the dang, stupid product.
Joy: I’ll also talk about Olive & June.
Claire: Oh yes.
Joy: I’ve been posting a lot about this. Olive & June is one, I forgot to mention this. I like nail polish. I like doing my nails. I don’t do them all the time, but I think especially because I’ve been so big on ordering Olive & June, I’m like, I’m going to do my nails all the time now because I have like five bottles of nail polish. So it kind of forces me to do them. And last year I ordered during the pandemic, I was like, I’m going to try Dazzle Dry. So I will tell you really quick about how that compared. Dazzle Dry, if you don’t know about Dazzle Dry, they kind of sell it like it lasts two weeks. Or maybe it’s ten days. It lasts a long time, and the polish dries really fast. It’s a multistep system. Yada yada. By the way, none of the products that I’m mentioned are paid. I’m not getting any money.
Claire: If only.
Joy: I know, if only. Just so you know, it’s an honest review. So Dazzle Dry I like. It’s a little hefty on the price. I’m not a fan of tons of steps. The fact that you would have to buy all of their products again to get the same results. That’s kind of something that I don’t love. But I will say, I got two colors in the whole kit, and I think it was maybe around $90. Which was a little steep for nail polish, but it’s lasted me well over a year, year and a half. It will probably last me another year before the polish starts to go bad. But the thing I really like is it does give you drops to thin out the nail polish to keep it lasting longer. I think you can get a lot out of it. So for your money, I think it’s worth it. But if you’re comparing it to Olive & June, Olive & June is much more affordable. I believe right now you can get discounts. They have discount codes all over the internet because they’re really selling this stuff. I think it ends up being around maybe $70 for their whole kit and five nail polished, which is I think a really good deal. And I think with their polish you can get by with using other products. Meaning you could probably use a different top coat and be fine. You’re not having to use a special base coat or anything like that, which Dazzle Dry you do have to use their specific products to get the results that you want. I really like the Olive & June polish. It does last as long as they say it lasts. I like the poppy. It comes with this little handle that you pop on the top of the nail polish that kind of extends your grip so you’re not having to do as close to the nail – which your hands can get a little bit shaky and then your polish kind of messes up. So didn’t think I’d like the poppy as much as I did. I really like the poppy. It does make your hand a little bit steadier. But all the tools are really good. The nail file, they give you nail clippers, one of those little brushes to clean up any messes. And it comes with a little nail polish remover pot where you stick your finger in and just move it around and it takes off your nail polish. And then the top coat is great as well. The dry drops I bought separately. Those are okay. I like the Sechevite a lot better. That’s still kind of like me gold standard for the top coat that dries really fast. You can get it on Amazon. You can get it at Target. I’ll post it as well. It’s Sechevite is the name. And shout out to Jessica. One time I was like, “It’s Sechevite, I don’t know how to pronounce it.” She’s like, “You say is Sechevite.” Thank you, Jess. So yeah, that would be my quick review of Olive & June. Everyone’s like, “How does it compare to Dazzle Dry?” Honestly, I just feel like you get more for your money for Olive & June. The one thing I would say is Dazzle Dry does dry super fast. So if you’re someone who’s like, I have zero time to wait, then I would get the Dazzle Dry. You could probably build a house after you paint your nails with that stuff. Olive & June, the dry drops take a little bit longer. I had to do my nails and then kind of be chill for a while, like I watched TV afterwards, and not really do much with your hands. You can still do stuff, but you just have to be a little bit more careful. Which I don’t love. That’s my quick and dirty review.
Claire: Okay, I found my face oil. It’s expensive, guys. It’s called facial recovery oil from Eminence. It’s a tea tree oil. It comes in a little glass bottle. It’s this little yellow oil with a little green “e” with an accent over the top. I really like it though. It’s $75, so it’s expensive, but you use literally one drop a day, so it lasts for a long time. I posted about this a couple of months ago and I’m still really liking it. Suite Eleven is the name of the brand for nail polish. It’s a Black-owned brand. They’re vegan, PETA-certified, and they don’t have a lot of the toxic chemicals that other nail polishes have. Like they don’t have formaldehyde, parabens, DBP, that type of stuff. And I don’t feel like it takes all that much longer to dry. In fact, it’s very much on par with normal nail polish. I can still paint my nails while my kids are in the bath. Have them sit there in the bath for ten minutes, then take them out and dry them off, and my nails aren’t chipping, or the towel fuzz isn’t sticking.
Joy: Yeah, it isn’t making indentations.
Claire: Yeah, and they have some really cute colors, so I would definitely recommend them as well.
Joy: I’ve seen their Instagram, and I really like their colors too. Let me put a plug in too because I know I’ve mentioned it before. I still love New Wash. I’m still using it all the time. I think a lot of people – I went to get my hair done today and my hairdresser and I were talking about it because she loves this stuff as well. She’s like, “I’m so glad you’re using it. Your hair looks so much better.” She’s like, “How long did it take you to really notice a difference?” Probably 2-3 weeks, and you really have to read the directions. I feel like people who didn’t like it didn’t follow the directions. The only thing that’s weird is you have to get used to washing your hair with what feels like conditioner. You don’t get suds. It literally feels like you’re washing your hair with conditioner. That’s the only weird thing to get around. But they did give us a discount code. It’s JOY if you want to use it for New Wash.
Claire: Okay. For this weekend, Brandon went out of town. He went back to Wisconsin to visit his family. In the before times, we would go out there as a family maybe two or three times a year, and then they would also come out here another maybe one to two times a year. So we were seeing them every two or three months. Since the pandemic, we’ve only seen his mom two or three times total in the last two years and his dad only once or twice. He’s been trying to get out there more, so he went back there just himself this time. He’s been gone since Friday. It’s now Monday evening. I have to be honest, it’s been kind of nice. [laughing] I’m realizing, because I work from home – even though Brandon works out of the house, because I work from home and I used to travel a lot. In the before times, I traveled quite a lot for my job. It’s been nice to just have some time in the house by myself. Even over the weekend when I was with the kids, my mom lives really close by so she’s able to pop over. She watched the kids. Evie was taking a nap and Miles was watching a movie, so I could just take the dog for a walk. That was the hardest part is I can’t leave the house without them. It’s been nice to have some space. He gets back tonight, and I’m like, are you sure you don’t want to stay an extra day or two.
Joy: Just stay. Just enjoy yourself.
Claire: Just enjoy yourself. It’s a beautiful time of the year to be in Wisconsin. September and October are so gorgeous in Wisconsin. It’s always a very nostalgic time for Brandon because he ran cross country in high school. A lot of his really fun memories from high school are this time of year. And I feel like all of us get that nostalgia this time of year.
Claire: School and football games, that type of thing.
Claire: You and I have talked a little bit about how you and Scott – like Scott used to travel, what? 200+ days a year for work?
Joy: He used to travel a lot. A lot, a lot.
Claire: For your whole marriage.
Joy: Our whole marriage. And even when we were dating. All I ever knew was him being gone all the time.
Claire: And then the last two years not so much. How have you guys been handling that?
Joy: Pretty good. I always laugh when my voice goes up because I’m like, am I lying? We’re great. No, really. We’re doing pretty well. I think the first year –
Claire: Your voice –
Joy: Now I don’t know how to talk. Act natural. So I think the first year, we were all just adjusting to life. But I remember after the first year Scott just started really struggling. Because he was like, “I am going insane.” And that’s when I was working my job and nothing had changed for me. The whole first year or so, my life was exactly the same. Going to work, leaving the house, etc. I think for him it was really difficult because he just felt like, “I never leave the house. I’m going stir crazy.” I think for us, I don’t mean to piss people off, but I feel like our marriage got better because we overcame this pandemic together. I think that’s something that people – at least, the statistics you read is it either makes you break up or bring you closer together or something in the middle, I guess. I think that there was a lot of articles that came around. A lot of people got divorced or a lot of people broke up during the pandemic, and I just feel really grateful that we ended up getting closer and it actually made me realize, like, oh, I’m really glad I’m in a pandemic with you. If I had to be with somebody, he’s the perfect person because he’s a fixer and he likes to make sure things are taken care of. I think that was really important. But when I left my job and started working from home, that became a new dance of trying to figure out how to respect his space because I was home all the time. That was like, oh, I need to make sure I was uber aware that I was never making any noise during the day, really being respectful of being quiet. And he’s on the other side of the house. My office is on the other side of the house. We’re really far away. But what I realized is he would come in and bother me whenever. I’d be in the middle of something or writing a job application and I can just hear his footsteps coming. And I’d be like, oh my God. I’d just be like, “What do you want?” Whenever he had a break, he’d be like, “I got to ask Joy something,” so he’d come over. It was just really funny because for a while I was like, “Oh dear God.” I would just want to shut the door and hide in the bathroom. I don’t really have hide-in-the-bathroom moments anymore because I don’t really need to transition from work life to home life. There have been a couple times where I’m really trying to figure out how to respect his space and be quiet and not make noise with the dogs. And if he’s on a call, whatever, whatever. But we’re figuring it out. I think we’ve done well. And I think we’ll continue to do well because he’s going to keep working from home, I’m going to start working from home. I mean, I have for the past five months, but with my new job it will be remote for the foreseeable future.
Claire: It’s been interesting with Brandon being gone because I’m like, oh man, it is so nice to have a little bit of space sometimes. I think it’s unrealistic to think that just because you love someone and are married to them means that you want to be around them 24/7.
Joy: You know, I think there’s people out there. I’m not one of them.
Claire: If you’re there being like, “Oh my gosh, did I marry the wrong person because I don’t want to be in their presence every waking moment of my life?” I don’t think so. I don’t think that means you married the wrong person. I think that just means that –
Joy: You’re just one of those people that likes your space.
Claire: Like most of us. I would say it would be the exception to the rule to be like, “Yes, I want to be by their side every waking moment.”
Joy: More power to you. I think you are probably one of the better humans in life because I just don’t know how you do that. But I remember seeing an article. This was probably shortly after Scott and I got married. It was in Oprah. Thank you, Oprah. It was all about different types of relationships. I’ll never forget it because it was really important to me at the time. I was really struggling with settling into being married. I didn’t know what that meant. I was still kind of transitioning from this – I don’t know. I had a hard time changing my name, all the things that come with getting married. Or at least for me, I should say. I remember reading this article that was talking about all these different relationships, and one couple lived in different houses. I remember thinking, that is okay. And whatever defines your relationship and makes it work for you, that is okay. And that just made me be like, alright, I’m not going to worry about this. I’m going to make our relationship whatever it needs to be.
Claire: I think the other thing about COVID, and I think this played out in a million different ways, but a big one is that we have really had so much more time and energy for better or worse to see what other people’s lives are like. The door has really been opened to everyone’s personal. lives. I think in some ways that’s been great. I am really grateful that I don’t have to feel like I can’t – I definitely have been in professional situations before where I felt like I couldn’t talk about having kids. Or couldn’t talk about my kids. Or couldn’t talk about the fact that I was a young mom. That that would make me be seen differently. I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t worry about that anymore. So I think there are some things like that where it’s a really positive change, and I hope we don’t ever go back to feeling like we have to have that separation, between not being comfortable talking about our family at work. And I also think it’s opened us up to seeing other people’s personal lives in a way that we weren’t really ever meant to know this much personal stuff about everyone. And it’s so much easier to compare and worry. Like, “Oh my gosh, if they’re having this candlelit dinner every Tuesday night. If I’m not doing that, is there something wrong with me?” I think that in general social media – and we talked about this a couple weeks ago – we were never meant to have this much exposure to everyone around us and their personal lives and their opinions and their deeply-held beliefs. We were never meant to know these things about so many other people. Our brains don’t know what to do with it.
Joy: Yeah. So on a totally random observation, you know my parents live in Westcliff. There’s a very big Mennonite community there. Nothing makes me feel more like I need to get perspective than when we’re driving down the road and we just see a horse and carriage and they’re going to their church. There’s something very – I don’t know. I respect so much around keeping all that information about other people’s lives away. And I know there’s more to it. I want to be respectful because I’m not simplifying. Whenever we see that, I’m just reminded of how much information in society has coming at us of other people’s lives.
Joy: Let’s take a break and talk about out amazing sponsors Ned, the makers of the CBD that we love and we know and trust. Ned, Ned, Ned. I talked last time about the sleep blend. I am still using this. And this is something that I truly, truly can honestly say helps me sleep at night. You just put a dropper under your tongue 30 minutes before bed and I sleep like a baby. Remember when I said I had hotel sleep? I still have hotel sleep with the sleep blend, so I highly recommend that new product.
Claire: And I’ve been really loving their stress blend. I feel like with Miles being in school, being back in kindergarten, I feel like I’m juggling a thousand, bagillion things a day. I take the stress blend kind of towards the end of the day, maybe when I’m making dinner, because the evenings for me, like dinner time and bath time, are when I have the least amount to give but have to do the most. I’m tired. But anyone with young kids, you know the slip and slide to bedtime is the most stressful part to the day. By the time it’s time to clean up dinner, you’ve already lived most of your day but the hardest part is still in front of you. So I’m taking the stress blend maybe while I’m making dinner to try and get out in front of that, and it’s definitely helping me just feel more balanced. It’s not taking away the stress by any means. But it’s giving me a little bit more to be able to handle it and be able to take a step back and take a deep breath and create a little more space around those stressful situations. So we love Ned. We love their products. The people who founded the company are really great. They’re very trustworthy. They grow all of their hemp here in Colorado. If you don’t know about CBD, you can head to their website. They have a lot of information on their website It explains exactly what CBD is, what it does, what part of the hemp it comes from, why it does not get you high. If you are regularly drug tested, what you can expect about CBD. They have a lot of great educational resources about that on their website.
Joy: If you want to try the new destress blend from Ned, a brand that you love and trust, we have a special offer for our podcast. Every order over $40 qualifies for 15% off plus a free destress blend sample. Go to www.helloned.com/joy or enter JOY at checkout to take advantage of this offer. That’s helloned.com/joy to get 15% plus a free destress blend sample on any order over $40. Thank you, Ned, for sponsoring our program and offering our listeners a natural remedy for some of life’s most common health issues.
Claire: And thank you to our listeners for supporting the brands that support our podcast.
Joy: Alright. Can I talk about an amazing opportunity that might come my way? Okay.
Claire: I’m just nodding like, yeah, that sounds great. Talk about it.
Joy: So I have been on a bone marrow registry for about five years. I cannot remember where I registered. I probably saw… I’m thinking it might have been Jason Khalipa’s daughter when he was posting about her going through her treatments.
Claire: I feel like we did it at the same time.
Claire: I feel like it might have been at Girls Gone Rx or something. They had a tent there.
Joy: That’s a good point. I knew it was somewhere where there was a tent.
Claire: Or there was a whole summer where they had them set up at Red Rocks.
Joy: That’s true. So I registered somewhere and I remember posting about it. I actually went back in our memories and I saw the post. It was in 2017. You basically just do a cheek swab. You submit your sample. It’s very easy to do. I sent my kit in, and they keep you registered. Blah, blah, blah. So I get an email pretty infrequently, but sometimes you’ll get emails from Be the Match. It’s basically like, hey, this is what we’re doing, here’s some updates. I don’t really always read them fully, but I just stay on their mailing list. Just stay up to date with what they’re doing. Last week I get an email that’s like, “Hey girl” – no, it just said, “Urgent, please respond” or something like that. I didn’t really pay attention to it right away because I saw that it was from Be the Match and I somehow I just kind of glossed over it, even though it said “Urgent, please read.” Like an idiot, I just didn’t read the email. So the next day I was going through my emails again and I read it. It’s like, “We have identified a patient that matches to you. Please respond immediately. This is a really urgent matter.” So I called them, and it turns out I am a much for a 35-year-old female with leukemia. Obviously due to privacy reasons they won’t tell you where the patient is or any information about it, but I went through a full hour phone call with a Be the Match representative going over my health history. Really, they’re just trying to rule out if you’re an appropriate candidate. Any major health issues that could kind of kick you out of the system right away, they want to take care of in that phone call. So I spent an hour on the phone with them. It turns out I’m good to go for the next step which is a blood test. So as of this recording, I’ll be going tomorrow to get a blood test or just a blood draw where they’re going to make sure I guess I don’t have anything that’s concerning to them that would be either a risk to myself or the patient to do this bone marrow transplant. There’s a lot of things that kind of have to fall into place, but potentially I could save someone’s life and that just feels really exciting. When I got the call, I got nervous. But the representative on the phone, who was just lovely, she’s like, “How do you feel?” I love that they ask that. She’s like, “How are you feeling about this call?” I’m like, “I’m pretty excited. I feel a lot of emotions, but you go on all these registries and you don’t ever expect to be called.” She’s like, “Yeah, when you think about it. If you have a thousand friends on Facebook, only two people will get called.” It’s a pretty rare thing to be called to be a bone marrow donator. It feels exciting that you get the opportunity to potentially help save someone’s life, and I’m just really jazzed about it. Obviously, there’s a lot of steps that have to happen. I would have to go through a lot of physicals The patient’s medical team would have to determine that the bone marrow transplant would be the safest option. There’s a lot of things that have to fall into place, but if all goes that direction then I would go to a bone marrow transplant center. It might be out of state. They don’t know yet. And I would sit there for a day and do the transplant. Now a lot of people thing that how they used to do it – and they still do this method, but apparently it’s less common to do it from the hip bone where they used to do it, from that hip area. But now they do it intravenously, I guess? They take it from your arm. So you have two needles on either arm and you sit there all day. Because obviously you can’t take that much bone marrow in a short period of time. So they do it very slowly. You sit in a chair for eight hours and they get your bone marrow, and then you go on your merry way. I was added to a Facebook group for donors, which is really cool because it’s a very cool group of people who are in tons of different stages of this process. Some people are just like me where they just got the call, and then they’re going to go get the blood draw. Some people are like, “I just donated, here’s a picture. It was kind of a difficult process. They couldn’t find the right vein, but I’m so glad I did it. I would do it again.” To people kind of grieving the loss of their patient and saying, “I’ve been in touch with my patient for years, and I just found they passed away” and the emotions that come with that. So it just feels a little bit conflicting to talk about it because you do this not to get attention, but I think why I’m more talking about it is for people to get on the registry. It’s such a – I don’t want to say “easy” because I haven’t done it yet, but if I do get to that point – and regardless, if I don’t get to that point, get on the registry. Because I think a lot of people think that “Oh it’s so painful to donate bone marrow.” But from all the posts that I’ve been seeing, if you do get on this registry and you’re matched to someone, science has come a long way and it’s not as painful and you could make a huge difference in someone’s life. It’s bethematch.org. I believe you can just order a kit. From what I read on the website – and I’m 44, so I submitted my sample when I was 39 or 40.
Claire: Joined the registry.
Joy: Joined the registry. I think right now they are focusing on people ages 18 to 35. I wouldn’t say don’t go on the website if you’re older than that, but I’m pretty sure that I recently saw that they’re really focused on that age range.
Claire: The website says 18 to 40. All you have to do is go to bethematch.org. Right there on their website the very first button is “Join the Registry.” It walks you through a couple questions. Then it just sends you this little kit. It comes with a Q-tip. You saw your cheek. You send it back. It’s completely free. And then, yeah, chances are you’ll never hear from them again. But especially if you’re somebody that has a less common ancestry or you have an interesting combination of ethnic heritage, those are the types of matches that I think are a lot harder to find. And having those similar ancestral genetics can really help somebody find a match. If you’re somebody who you maybe have an interesting heritage, definitely sign up because I remember that being something that they were talking a lot about a couple years ago in the emails that I would get sent. They were like, please help us find people to join our registry who are not only white people. Not to say that if you’re listening to this and you’re a white person not to go join because you never know. But I think that it really is, you never know what the thing is that could set you apart from everyone else and help you literally save someone’s life with almost no work on your behalf.
Joy: Yeah. So thank you guys for checking that out. Alright, let’s finish off with some work advice. You guys submitted some really great advice. We talked a little bit last week, a lot last week about toxic work culture and workplaces and when to leave a job or when you’re looking for a new job. We did a post this week for advice on if you’re looking for a job, and you guys submitted some great advice.
Claire: One that I really loved, and I think that this is so critical in general in our lives, was somebody who was pretty much like, don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. So a couple different people wrote a version of this, but somebody wrote, “I often see other women who downgrade themselves when writing their resume for the jobs they apply to. Get yourselves a hype girlfriend to help boost the resume and apply to jobs you feel like you aren’t ‘qualified for.’” I love that. I think that it is so true. Somebody else wrote, “Have confidence in yourself in saying you believe your qualities would benefit the company. Don’t look at the list of qualifications and say, ‘oh, I only have 9 of 10, so I shouldn’t apply.’ Really, don’t be afraid to say I’m the best person for this job.” So many people said something along those lines. It’s so true that today as women we really have been taught, don’t brag about yourself. That’s not polite. Or you don’t want to come across as being egotistic. No, you’re stating facts about yourself. You’re good at what you do. You have X, Y, Z experience. Put it out there. Otherwise they’re not going to find you. And the best way to do that is to get some hype friends. Get your girlfriends together and have them really hype you up. I’ve definitely helped some of my friends write their resumes where I’m like, hey, talk about this. I know that you did X, Y, Z thing. Talk about it. Say that you were in the running for this award even if you didn’t win it. You know, whatever the case may be. I think that was the biggest overarching piece of advice that people gave was don’t be afraid to really put yourself out there. Don’t be afraid to hype yourself up. Don’t be afraid to talk yourself up and actually really brag about yourself.
Joy: I love this one that says, “Sometimes it’s okay to do a job and volunteer in a way that lets you honor your values and passions more fully. Sometimes we can get stuck looking for work that pays well and aligns perfectly with our purpose and passions. That’s cool, but not always realistic. It’s possible to find things outside work that are deeply fulfilling. This arrangement is actually pretty great for holding boundaries and not overworking.” I think that’s great advice. And I just want to comment about where I go with this is sometimes that’s where we get stuck with the comparison trap of looking at other people’s lives. Or the girl boss “follow your passion,” the MLM culture that’s kind of like, “Hey girl, you can do everything you want and you can live that dream life” and that kind of goes back to our conversation –
Claire: You can have it all.
Joy: You can have it all. Or the question we’ve had before, can your passion be your job? Not that there’s one answer on that, but it makes me think of that conversation.
Claire: I feel like with our jobs, similar to the way that we can expect our spouse to be every single role in our life, we also expect our job to fulfill every single thing that we want a regular activity to fulfill. Yeah, if your job is not a subject matter that you’re passionate about, see if you can join a club or volunteer or take a class or something to have that other part of you fulfilled. There were also some great, just very technical pieces of advice. Always have two questions prepared for the interviewer, one that pertains to their journey with the company and one that speaks to the company’s current initiatives. Somebody wrote and said, “I have a very hodge podge, diverse, work history. Even doing all the right things, the algorithm reject me right away. So I found a job board for startups, and many of the job listings allow you to personally reach out to the hiring manager. I found I was able to get a lot more interviews through this list and finally landed a great job.”
Joy: That’s Angel List. That’s a great website, Angel List.
Claire: Like we talked about last week, it can be so demoralizing to just either never hear back. Even though you spent an hour plus or more tweaking your resume and then you just send it off into this black hole. Sometimes it feels like I might as well have printed this out and lit it on fire for the amount of good that it did. I definitely have felt that way where I will send out – I remember I had a job application process where not only did I have to send in my resume but then additionally fill in my job history, which I hate. If I’ve given you my resume, don’t make me also fill it out. And then I had to answer five or six really long questions.
Joy: That’s the worst. That’s the worst.
Claire: And I never heard anything.
Joy: I hate that.
Claire: I literally might as well just have blown this into a balloon and sent it off into the sky.
Joy: I’m wasting so much time and I’m not going to hear from you. That drove me crazy too.
Claire: Put my resume in a bottle and throw it into the ocean.
Joy: You’re welcome for all this time I did for you that you’re never going to respond with.
Joy: And someone said, “Be bold. There’s nothing wrong with doing research, connecting with decision makers, and saying ‘I’m uniquely qualified for this.’ It’s only annoying if you’re not qualified. If you are qualified and the right person in the position, you’re doing them a favor.
Claire: We talked about that a little bit when you were dealing with your offer process and you were trying to negotiate some different things that you wanted. You were like, “I feel so scared. I just sent back my counteroffer.” And here are the things – even though it feels like you’re not, they expect you to do that. They expect you to put yourself out there in a job application process. They expect you to counter offer when you get your first job offer. Even though it feels like you’re being problematic, you’re actually playing by the rules. And if you don’t do those things, then I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a red flag, but you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage to the rest of the people who are doing the things. Because it’s all just part of playing the game.
Claire: Speaking of which though, somebody did ask a really good question about your new job. In this new work-from-home world, a lot of new companies are popping up that are remote. And how can you tell if the company is legit?
Joy: Speaking from me experience, I do a lot of research on Glassdoor. So if you’re not on Glassdoor and you’re job searching, get on Glassdoor. I would say the main websites I would use when I was job hunting was Glassdoor, Angel List, and LinkedIn. LinkedIn and Glassdoor were probably the primary ones, but I did like looking at Angel List. Since that listener mentioned it, I want to throw that out there too. Glassdoor is great. Now I know that there’s always going to be negative reviews, and I know that there’s people that are probably disgruntled. It’s probably like Yelp. You want to kind of take it with a grain of salt. But I would go on there just doing research about the company and the benefits and to see what people were saying about working there. It was extremely low. To me, I’m like, that’s a little bit of a red flag because there’s more companies. I kind of based it off of my previous employer. So I went to my previous employer and I look at what their reviews were, and I was like, yeah, that seems about right. There’s people that didn’t like it and they really wanted to say something about it, but then there’s people that just love it. So you’re kind of wanting to find the truth that’s always in the middle. But I would want to go to this company’s website and I would see what people were saying about working there. And then I actually went on LinkedIn and I found people who worked for the company and I asked them what it was like working there. Of course, it’s kind of a cold call to say, “Hey, I’m applying to this position at this company. I see that you’re working for them or have been” or whatever. You just send a nice email and ask them what their experience is like, or say, “Hey, would you mind jumping on a phone call.” Some people felt more comfortable talking on the phone rather than putting something in writing. I totally get it when it’s a stranger. Ugh, are you trying to bait me? What’s going on? So I did a couple of phone calls. I would reach out to people who are currently working at these places and asking them for candid feedback. I thought that was really helpful because that actually made me more confident in the decision when I was accepting this job offer because everyone had rave reviews about it. So that’s another thing I would recommend.
Claire: I think that’s really good advice. Especially if it’s a brand-new company, a lot of times you know someone who works there so you can get a sense of it. But especially if it’s a newer company, I always like to ask question too when I’m interviewing about, hey, if you are going through an acquisition, what has changed? What do you think is still waiting to change? What has changed that you’re not happy about? I think when you’re in this world where it feels like acquisitions happen every single day and new remote companies are starting, it’s so good to get real feedback from the people who actually work there and are in the bubble in the moment.
Joy: In the moment.
Claire: Alright guys. Great talk. We had some great conversations this week.
Joy: We sure did.
Claire: As always. Don’t forget, check out Ned, helloned.com/joy or use code JOY at checkout. Support the brands that support our podcast. Thank you, guys, so much for checking them out and for using their awesome products. You can find us on Instagram @joyandclaire_. We are on Facebook, which we don’t really update all that much except just sharing our Instagram posts onto Facebook. But you can also find us online joyandclaire.com. You can email us firstname.lastname@example.org. Please feel free to always send us a note. Anything you want, a question, a comment, a picture of your dog wearing a Halloween costume. Stay tuned because the time is coming near. That’s pretty much the only thing we use Facebook for is collecting pictures of animals in Halloween costumes. So get ready because if you are sitting there thinking, “No one cares if my dog wears a costume,” lies. We care. Joy cared.
Joy: I care. I look forward to it every time I do that post. I sit on my couch, and I scroll, and I smile, and I talk to your animals through the phone.
Claire: I wish that you guys could be a fly on the wall for Joy that entire day because it truly brings her so much joy.
Joy: It does. It makes me so happy. So happy. So thank you in advance.
Claire: And don’t forget we have two other podcasts. You can check out Girls Gone WOD, available wherever you get your podcast. And you can also check out On Your Marks, Get Set, Bake! which is our super fun podcast that follows The Great British Baking Show. This week I made some sticky toffy puddings from the technical from dessert week. And they turned out great and were delicious. So come here so we can talk about them.
Joy: Love that group of words. I’ll say it again and again. Sticky toffy pudding!
Claire: Sticky toffy pudding!
Joy: There needs to be a rap song or a song made about that.
Claire: Is that going to be like your rapper name?
Joy: Sticky Toffy Pudding. Yeah, it is actually.
Claire: It would be a good name for a band. Okay, well before we get too far down that rabbit hole, we will talk to you guys next week.
Joy: See you guys. Bye.